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I never cared much for Lady Gaga, but I sure do love Christopher Walken.  If you survive his rendition of “Pokerface” without dying of mirth, check out the even more spectacular audio of him reading “The Raven” by Edgar Allen Poe (how did I not find that on YouTube before Halloween?)

I know lots of you just don’t “get” rap music because you can’t relate to the clothes, or perhaps the jail-inspired saggy pants fashion, or the paradox of a scary-ass looking dude brandishing an automatic weapon and whining about how hard it is “out there for a pimp”.    And believe me, I feel you on that.

But does it have to be that way?  Can rap a song transcend its “gangster” stereotype and cross the boundaries of social class, fashion, and thumping animalistic sub-woofer straining beat thumps to be appreciated just for it’s cleverness and sense of fun?    You know I think so if you’ve already grooved to the funky style of Brett Domino, and  MC 900ft Jesus here on this blog.

So go ahead, wanderers into the weird…check out the rap “stylings” of Mr B. Not only is he a gentleman through and through, he’s got a great sense of humor, a very cool hat, and a banjolele!   Quite right, old chums!  Enjoy!

…annoy the crap out of me.  I like this video much better.

Mad props to Erik, Ben and Sam for finding this nightmare-inducing masterpiece!

…because you’ll need it to win the contest that I’m going to tell you all about today!

So far this December my posts here have been sporadic.  Why?  Because a lot of the time that I would usually spend typing up posts or surfing YouTube for scary videos has been spent knitting scarves as holiday gifts.    I have found it to be an amazingly calming activity during what is for most people a very stressful time of year.

Who will the lucky winner be?

This is not the actual prize...Daniel Radcliffe was too quick for me!

Lucky for YOU I am ahead of schedule, and have budgeted time to knit a very special scarf for the winner of my contest!  And no, it’s not going to be some 2-foot long scratchy piece of muck like the one you got from Aunt Tillie when you were a kid and forced to wear when she came to visit.   I’m talking about a scarf that is truly:

a) super warm because it’s made of something nicer than cheap yarn from the local WalMart;

b) super funky (because I’m making it, and as you already know, I rock); and most importantly,

c) of a truly correct, extra-long Dr. Who/Harry Potter/use it to escape out a second story window length that will make you the envy of everyone you meet — most of whom are constantly rearranging their 2-foot long scratchy pieces of muck and just trying to fit them all the way around their necks to keep them from falling in the slush.

CONTEST F.A.Q.

Q: Oh, most be-KNIT-ficent Carrie, how can I win this fabulous scarf?

A:  Keep reading, and then enter the contest.   Was that question really necessary?

Q:   But how will I find time to enter a contest when I still have 500 stores to go to in the next few weeks in order to find all the perfect gifts for my family and friends?

A:  I’m glad you asked — your best chance to win is to actually visit 500 stores in the next few weeks!   How cool is that?

Q:  Enough already, cut to the chase — what do I have to do to win the prize?

A:  Inspired by a recent visit to a discount store with my mother that involved fits of hysterical laughter at many of the items on display, I want you to seek out the most hideous, loud, annoying, shiny, tasteless, stupid, ugly, ridiculous and just plain WRONG holiday-themed item you can find, snap a photo or take a short video, then send it to me.

Here's what I found...hideous, isn't it?

Here's what I found so far...hideous, isn't it?

Q:  So how do I get you my entry?

A:  If you’re an overachiever, you can just drag your digital camera along on all of your shopping trips and then email me the results at jimsmuse@comcast.net , OR you can simply whip out your cellphone, take a picture and then send a picture/text message to my cell at 908-328-7500.   (If you’re outside of the U.S. you should still be able to send me a text message: just check with your mobile carrier for the proper international codes, or submit your entry via email.  If you don’t know how to send a text or picture message from your cellphone, just ask the nearest 12 year old and I’m sure he or she will be happy to help out!)   Don’t forget to add the cell number above to your own cell before heading out to the mall, peeps — and don’t forget to identify yourself either in the text message or via email after you get home to let me know which pic is your entry!

Q:  OMG OMG OMG did you really just give me, a total stranger, your cell number?

A:  Yeah, so what?  I just like to live on the edge I guess, and giving out the number seems to be the easiest way to encourage participation, because I know that things are busy for most of you this time of year. You want the scarf, you just don’t want a big hassle to get it, right?   Snap.  Send text.  Takes five seconds.  Easy peasy, lemon squeezy…

You could also use the above number to call me and say hello and then tell me how awesome you think my blog is, but that isn’t a requirement to win the contest.   Besides, I’d much rather talk to YOU than a creepy telemarketer, and they all seem to have my number already — why shouldn’t you?

Q:  Can I just send you a link to an image of some creepy Christmas or Hanukkah thingy I found on a website somewhere?

A:  Nope.   There are too many sites devoted to things like this, and I seem to see the same recycled pics and posts every year.  I’d like to add something new to the mix for a change, and that’s why I’m having the contest.   If I’m willing to make you a hand-knitted scarf, it seems only fair that you should be willing to actually take an original photo and send it to me, don’t you think?

Q:  What’s the deadline for entries?  Can I enter multiple times if I find a place with lots of ugly, scary, flashing things in it?   Can I make something extra scary with a holiday theme and take a picture of it for my entry? Do you think Santa will bring me a pony this year?

A:  The deadline for entry is December 20th at 9pm EST;  of course you can enter as many pictures as you want;  if you make something truly tasteless and scary in an attempt to win the contest it will only count if you actually display it in your charming home during the holiday season for the purpose of freaking out guests; and um, no — there are only so many ponies to go around, and I’m at the top of the list!

And now for today’s video, “Scarf Song” courtesy of Maple Rabbit.   I cannot tell you how completely awesome these insane keyboard playing girls are — you will simply have to have your mind blown by watching this weird and wonderful music video.

Good luck on the contest everyone!

As you may have surmised from glancing at My Cool Job today, I’ve decided to take a break from blogging during the holiday weekend.   However, I would like to provide all of you with a stressful holiday ahead with a place to go and chill out for a few minutes when it all gets too hectic.

If you need a moment or two to compose yourself during the chaos, give yourself a break and watch the silly videos I’ve found with a Thanksgiving theme.  See you all next week, peeps!  I’m thankful to have such loyal readers and friends!

The Gobble Gobble Pow Wow

My New Favorite Thanksgiving Song – The Turkey Song by Tomee Profitt

Cousin Emmy Jams Out On “Turkey in the Straw”

A Little Peanuts to Get You Ready for Xmas…well, sort of!  Dance Time!

Don’t worry, peeps — that headline isn’t me wondering out loud about loyal readers of “Carrie (Like The Movie)” it’s a line from “If I Only Had A Brain” by MC 900 Ft. Jesus. The video makes me laugh every time I see it…and somehow seems to also represent my life’s journey. Spend 3 minutes in a cardboard box with MC 900 Ft. Jesus, and get your week started with a good laugh…